


My heart's always yours (II)

by OnlySkyAboveMe



Series: My Heart's Always Yours [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War I, Angst, F/M, I'm just a girl with a pen and paper, Letters, Nurse!Tessa, Sadness, World War I, but a little bit not sorry, ready to kill you with sadness and feels, soldier!Scott, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:45:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlySkyAboveMe/pseuds/OnlySkyAboveMe
Summary: Tessa receives Scott's letter from the front...





	My heart's always yours (II)

Tessa stands frozen to the spot in the doorway, the brown military-issue envelope held loosely in her hands. She stares straight ahead as the postman closes the gates and continues his route along the road. The crisp April wind whips around her, lifting the hem of her nightdress, which is covered by a soft cotton dressing gown, tied loosely around her middle. She doesn’t feel the frigid air around her, doesn’t hear the rustle of the squirrels in the tree next door, doesn’t see anything except the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Tessa?” Kaetlyn’s voice behind her barely registers; she doesn’t move, doesn’t respond. “Tessa, you’re letting the cold air in.” Kaetlyn appears at the side in the doorway. She met Kaetlyn at nursing school and they became fast friends. They supported each other through thick and thin and were each other’s confidantes. She has been living with Kaetlyn and her mother since February - since her father found out and kicked her out of the house.

“Tessa?” Kaetlyn’s hand reaches for hers where it still holds onto the envelope out in front of her. Finally registering her presence Tessa takes in a shuddering breath before letting out a choked sob, her breath turning to fog in the air outside the front door. Once the floodgates are open, Tessa descends into wracking sobs, gasping desperately for breath every few moments. Kaetlyn grabs her shoulders, fearful that Tessa’s legs may give out from under her.

“Mom!” Kaetlyn calls into the house, her grip firm as she turns Tessa around into the hallway and kicks the door shut behind them. Mrs Osmond appears from the kitchen in her apron, takes one look at the girls and dashes towards them. She takes Tessa’s left arm over her shoulder, whilst Kaetlyn does the same with her right. They manage to manoeuvre Tessa into the armchair by the fire and Mrs Osmond dashes back to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water as Kaetlyn drapes a blanket over her exposed legs.

“Tessa…” Kaetlyn begins, but stops as Tessa holds the letter out to her.

“Will you please read it?” she asks in a hoarse whisper, still hiccupping through her tears. Her hand is shaking slightly and her grip is slow to relinquish the letter as Kaetlyn takes it from her hand. She turns the envelope over, her own breath catching in her throat is she sees the front of it. The envelope is addressed in Scott’s familiar messy scrawl, goodness knows she’s seen it enough to recognise it instantly, what with the number of letters from him the postman hands over every week. But across the envelope is a large black stamp.

MISSING IN ACTION

She looks up at Tessa, seeking permission again to open and read the letter. Tessa nods and closes her eyes, letting her head fall against the back of the armchair. Kaetlyn opens the letter carefully and with shaking fingers, and she sees Scott’s handwriting on the pages within, though it is neater than usual. It looks as though he has put in extra effort to writing this carefully. The letter is dated nearly three weeks ago, and the location he has sited, _Arras_ , makes her heart sink. News of the carnage of that battle had reached here only a couple of days after. There were a huge number of casualties amongst the Allied troops, the son of one of their colleagues being among them.

She tries to hold it together as she reads, but by the time she gets to Scott’s signature she has silent tears falling down her face. The contents of the letter have made the dreaded stamp on the envelope even worse.

“Kaet?” Tessa’s small, but inquisitive sob pulls her back into reality. Their tear-filled eyes meet.

"It...It's a beautiful letter," says Kaetlyn, handing it back to her and rising from her own chair to sit on the arm of Tessa's. She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and then puts her hand on Tessa's shoulder as she raises the letter to read it herself.

Kaetlyn reads the letter again along with her, able to gauge Tessa's reading speed from her reactions to each paragraph. She begins to fiddle with the top of the blanket on her lap during the paragraph in which Scott tells her of his pride in her - a nervous habit that her modest friend hid poorly. Her hands then freeze and her ears begin to turn red when he recounts the joy of their time spent together before Christmas. Her bottom lip begins to tremble as she gets to the part about Scott's fears, and she gasps and covers her mouth when she finally reaches his proposal. Her eyes flit back and forth across the page, clearly re-reading it to ensure she has read it correctly. She closes her eyes before taking a deep breath and continuing to the final lines of the letter, her breath quickening and a new wave of tears falling. When she finishes it she leans forward, elbows on her knees, and lowers her face into her hands, body trembling with overwhelming grief.

Mrs Osmond returns to the room and looks at Tessa in the chair, her body convulsing with sadness as her daughter kneels at her feet, arms wrapped around her back, their dark-haired heads together as Kaetlyn offers hushed words of comfort. She bends down to pick up the letter from the floor next to the chair, finding the fateful envelope beneath it. She folds the letter carefully and places it on the side table, gently brushing her daughter's arm before leaving the room again to prepare for the day.

After several minutes her crying subsides somewhat. With a sniff and a cough to clear her throat, she straightens up, and Kaetlyn sits back on her heels and watches her friend carefully. Her face is pale, eyes red and puffy, her dark hair falling out of its loose rags. Tessa picks the blanket off her lap and folds it efficiently, having had the technique drilled into her at nursing school. She stands carefully and drops the blanket onto the seat. Her emotion has completely overtaken her body; her shoulders are slumped forwards and she holds her arms across her chest, her head is bowed, eyes downcast.

"I'm going back to bed," she states, her voice broken and hollow, and she turns to make her way towards the hallway. Kaetlyn follows closely behind her, hands fiddling with her dress.

"Tess, are you sure? You might get into trouble for missing a shift."

"What does it matter? sighs Tessa, "they're going to dismiss me soon enough anyway."

Kaetlyn swallows and glances away. She knows this is the truth, but she doesn't want to admit it out loud. She doesn't follow Tessa any further as she shuffles back towards her bedroom. As she leaves for the hospital 45 minutes later she puts her head around Tessa's bedroom door. She is lying very still on her side on her bed, staring unblinking at the skirting board on the near wall. A cotton hankie with lace trim (a gift from Scott from Belgium) is scrunched in one hand, whilst the other is clutched around the open collar of her nightie. Kaetlyn creeps over and places a glass of water and a plate with a slice of bread and butter on her bedside table, then drops a gentle kiss to Tessa's temple before leaving for the day.

Tessa doesn't know how long she lies on the bed for. She doesn't feel anything; her body doesn't call out for food or drink, doesn't request a bathroom break, nor does it succumb to sleep. She knows it must be around 5pm when the front door is knocked. She somehow manages to stumble out of bed and open the door to the postman. It's the same one from this morning, and he offers an apologetic look as he hands a powder blue envelope to Tessa. She takes it with shaking hands and nods her thanks to the postman, who offers her a kind smile and turns to continue on his round. Her own writing stares back at her as she looks at the envelope. This is the letter she sent to Scott three weeks ago, the one she wrote on the same day that he wrote his. There's a large red stamp on this envelope:

RETURN TO SENDER

She manages to shut the door this time, and walks slowly down the hallway into the living room. The light outside is beginning to fade and she occupies her brain by starting a fire in the hearth. She picks up the blanket that lies on the chair from earlier and sits down heavily, watching the large log slowly become enveloped in flames, spitting and crackling in front of her, glowing ash and burning flecks of wood drifting up the chimney and into the cold spring air outside. She tucks the blanket around herself and glances over to the side table where today’s post sits, she reaches for Scott’s letter then turns back to look at the fire, her free hand coming to rest on her small bump.

“Well, little one…” she whispers, the white noise of the fire in her ears, tears pricking in her eyes once more, “looks like it’s just the two of us for the time being.” The tears spill over and run down her cheeks as she holds the letter over her heart whilst the other hand gently strokes her stomach.

“I love you,” she sobs, “so much.” She says it to both of them, though she is sure neither can hear her.


End file.
